It’s not me that’s the problem - it’s finding the label that best expresses it. I’m getting used to thinking of myself as a male body being cohabited by male and female personalities.
I think the term is bigender.
I started thinking about myself this way in my teens, but it wasn’t until I wrote a novel and showed to a published author who asked me why my protagonist was female. She seemed to think I’d gotten the character right, and asked my why I had chosen to go that way. I quipped “I think I’m a lesbian trapped in a man’s body.” So maybe I’m a lesboy… or a lesboyan?
Gay guys think I’m gay, and I would be if I didn’t find women so much more interesting. I was raised in house with four woman. 18 of my 23 cousins are female. I spent all my formative years with woman around, rarely spending time with boys. Put me at a cocktail party and I’ll gravitate to a cluster of woman and stand there like a doofus listening to them talk about men. I get it now. They must sense instantly - I’m more the hairdresser than the inseminator.
So now I’ve actually found that the woman living inside me is fully formed. She and the guy living next to her have different jobs and come out at different times. It’s not like I’m split personality though. I don’t change mannerisms or clothing (though that may soon change…) I’ve become accutely aware of the two extremes, and find that it’s hard to stay in the center.
So what do you call this? I think it’s “bigender.”